Home, Sweet Home!

I am home after being away for over 14 months! It feels really good to be here but at the same time not a whole lot really feels the same as it did when I left. I spent the day with a really good friend of mine yesterday and it was great seeing her again after 14 months! I cant decided if a lot has changed.. or nothing at all.

Now that I am home I am in desperate need of a job. I have to find one asap.. Otherwise Ill sit at home with nothing to do! Ive applied to a few places and I have an interview tomorrow so lets hope it goes well!!

I have started to fill out my application form for the Canadian Forces.. and boy is it a process. Its about 30 pages to fill out plus a medical exam and an interview! ohhh boy i hope i cant get everything together soon so I can send in my application as soon as possible!

not much else to tell yall

Till next time!
E

Oh boy... Oh boy oh boy oh boy... :/

Blogg blogg blogggggggggggggggggg
I seemed to develop a bit of a brain freeze, brain fart.... whatever you want to call it. I feel like I've got some many things going on... But absolutly nothing at the same time. My life feels lifeless! 

So what's going on you might ask... Well my host family in Pasadena asked for a rematch. And within a few days I found, what I hope to be, a wonderful family! 4 kids 13, 12, 11, and 6 (boy, girl, girl, boy). My new host mom has told me that the girls fight and the older girl can be quite a bitch. THAT should be intresting! The mom and I talked on the phone for an Interview. We talked for an hour and a half. The coversation never seemed to end but I didn't mind. I'm so stoked that we seem to get along so well! 

Tomorrow is my last full day with the family. I'm actually really excited to leave this house. The boys are driving me INSANE!! I'm literally going crazy. If they arnt yelling about not getting their way they are crying because one of them hit or threw or slapped or bit the other one... CRAZINESS!!

Another thing is, and I know I sound like a broken record bu m gonna say it anyway, is that no one seems to care that I'm leaving Maryland. Not even the guy I was dating on and off again... All he said was... Well I'll miss you... Well thanks! But good fucking ridence! I don't need a guy who says his misses me all the time but doesn't actually take the time or make the effort to see me... So fuck him!! Fucking fuck! And that's just the tip of the ice burgh. Non of my "friends" care that I'm leaving... Most people when they leave it's been an au pair tradition to have a bit of farewell dinner at applebees. Ive decided to say fuck it with that... No one will come anyway. Because most au pairs dontgive a fuck about anyone but themselves... 

On top of all this my best friend Amy, who is from England, is going back to Liverpool. The two of us have grown reallyclose and I really can't imagine being here without here... I love her... She is possible the best friend I've ever had and it sucks so god damn much that she's leaving. I do feel a little like shes abandoning me... I get why shes leaving i realy do.. Shes homesick and her host family is crazy... But still it really just wont be the same wih out her here. But on the bright side, I will see her at least one more time and that will be her wedding day!!!!!!!!!!! I cant believe she's getting married. AND she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids :D!!! It will be the first wedding I'll be in except that one when I was really little and I was a flower girl. But I barely remember that... So it doesn't count. 

Amy... I'll miss you like crazy girl!!

I suppose that's all for now folks.
Till next time!
E    

New Beggining or Unhappy Ending?

I have some sad news. Saturday morning my host dad told me that my surrent host family wants to rematch. So now I am freaking out a little. I have no idea where I'll be in the next few weeks. I want to stay in the Annapolis area. I love it around here.
BUTTTTT I think I might have found an awesome family! The are in Virgina and they sound great! haha
Wish me luck!!
Till next time!
E

Finally!

I am pretty confident I know what I want to do when I go back to Canada! I am going to join the Canadian Forces!!! And I am really excited about it. Today I did some research online and took a loot at the forces website. Its just what I was ment to do and I believe that with all my heart! I am so excited!!

There is a lot I have to do to prepare for when I go home. First I need to get into shape and thats where I need your help! Any advice would be amazing! Because losing weight for me is hard. I love food way to much. I need to work on my self control. Its especially hard when there is so much junk food in my house and no one else is focused on getting healthy! Obviously I know that eating right and excercise is key, but if anyone else has some advice... it would be greatly appreciated! The second thing i need to do when I get home is get laser eye surgery! I need to get my eyes corrected before I join up.. it just makes sense and I am sick and tired of glasses and contacts!!! Its so agravating and expensive to have both! Im really getting sick of sticking my fingers in my eyes to put my contacts in!! haha so they are going first thing! Gotta save up the mula for that. Its not going to be cheap!

On a side note, in my last post, I stated that I am focusing on me. I have stopped looking for someone to make me happy... and so far its going great. I am depending on myself to make ME happy. I am trying to put myself out there more and trying to put more trust in people. So far thats the hardest part. After being betrayed the way I was I don't trust anyone right now. I always think the worst of situations and take everything someone says with more then one grain of salt.

So yeah. As of right now... thats the plan!!
Like I said. Any advice or words of encouagment would be great!!

Till Next Time!
E

Am I Suppose to.....

...Put my life on hold because you don't know how to act?
I realized this yesterday. I am sick of the bullshit people throw my way and I am over it! I am over the drama and over the heartbreak! I am a strog, independent woman, but I can't read minds!! When you expect so much of me...like knowing your busy... well I won't know that unless you actually tell me that!! It felt so good to tell a certain person off yesterday. I swore a lot and man I feel great today! I've since decided to say "Fuck it!" screw you... its ME time! I'm going to focus on me for a while. But when I say that I don't mean it in a conceited way. If someone needed me for any reason I'd be there for them in a heart beat. But no more boys distracting me. No more "friends" standing in my way. I am going to "do me"!!
.....
Now lets take a few minuets to watch the video that inspired today's post. It best describes how I'm feeling at the moment! :P (lyrics follow)

Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,
but either way baby, I'm gone


Till Next Time
E






Am I supposed to put my life on hold
because you don't know how to act
and you don't know where your life is going
Am I supposed to be torn apart, broken hearted, in a corner crying?
Pardon me if I don't show it
I don't care if I never see you again
I'll be alright
Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,
but either way baby, I'm gone

chorus:
I'm so over it, I've been there and back
Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering
I got that new
I'm a single girl swag
Got me with my girls and we're singin' it...... Sing!
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey,
hey hey hey
goodbye

Cut my hair 'cuz it reminded me of you
I know you like the long 'do,
had to switch my attitude up
Thinkin' of changing up how I ride, No more
on the passenger side
too bad you miss out on the way that I drive it
I don't care if I never see you again
I'll be alright
Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,
but either way baby, I'm gone

Chorus:
I'm so over it, I've been there and back
Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering
I got that new
I'm a single girl swag
Got me with my girls and we're singin' it...sing!
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey,
hey hey hey
goodbye

hey hey, hey hey hey
goodbye


Chorus:
I'm so over it, I've been there and back
Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering
I got that new
I'm a single girl swag
Got me with my girls and we're singin' it.... sing!
na na na na hey, na na na na hey,
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye


na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
goodbye
goodbye

Ask most people what they want out of life

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple: to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though, the wanting to be happy, that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try and will ourselves to the state of bliss, the more confused we get. To the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling, trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were. Until eventually it hits us.. It's been there all along. Not in out dreams or hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

Heard this and loved it.. just wanted to share it! :)
Till Next Time!
E

Got my middle finger up

I don't really give a fuck

So I heard this song from Rihanna's newest album (Rated R). The song is "Rockstar 101" and its amazing! I've relly been feeling down lately and this song just made me feel like myself again! I am so excited about it!! Read through the lyrics and have a listen to the song then tell me what ya think!

For me the lyrics are talking about how everyone should live.. "middle finger up, cause I don't give a fuck"
Its so true. I knew that but I was caring to much about what people were thinking and I never should have!!





Got up in the club
Posted in the back
Feeling so good
Looking so bad

Rocking this skirt
Rocking this club
Got my middle finger up
I don't really give a fuck

Rocking these diamonds
I'm rocking this chain
Make sure you get a picture
I'm rocking my fame

To be what you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its..
Big cities
And bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Six inch walker
Big shit talker
I never play the victim
Id rather be a stalker

So baby take me in
Ill disobey the law
Make sure you frisk me good
Check my panties and my bra

Wildn out
A crazy house
With my white jacket on
Wont you come
And sign me out

To be what you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar



Till Next Time!
E

Trying this new thing...

Well.. So far my time in the USA hasn't really been all that amazing. Don't get me wrong I have had some really amazing times and met some really great people! Some of whom I hope I can stay in contact with for a very long time. But it seems like now its a never ending trail of bad news and bull shit. I was suppose to go to Virgina beach this coming weekend with Amy and Emma. Amy's boyfriend is in a fraternity and they are having some kinda of formal or something down there. We were all going as a group but we each had a date. Well I don't anymore.. I've been kicked to the curb for my "dates" ex I guess. So now I've already asked for the weekend off and have absolutely nothing to do. Amy and Emma will be in VA beach and I'll be stuck here.. And the girls I know in Annapolis.. well I don't even know what to say... :( Ive already been on my rant about that.



Lately there has been a lot of negativity in my life and the more I think about it the more sorry I feel for myself. I hate it and I'm tired of feeling this way. I never use to be this person. I was happy and optimistic! But now I feel trapped and alone in a completely different country. I wish I just had that one person I could depend on to really be there for me.

So I've decided to try this new thing, I guess more of an old thing. Pretending I'm happy and hoping that eventually it will turn out that I am no longer pretending. I am going to try and be as optimistic as possible and live each day to the fullest. I know its going to take a while to get back to where I was when I first moved to the states. But I hope that one day soon I'll be me again.

I guess that's all for now.
Till next time
E

I'm here for a good time

Not a long time!



That's right folks.. my first year is over, finished, finito (sp? lol)!! The year went by so unbelievably fast... Now were on to my second and its off to a bit of a rocky start... the new family is great but my personal life... not so much :( I went through a lot my first year.. I honestly thought that I wouldn't make it through some of it.. but I survived.. for the most part.. might be missing a piece of my heart but it belongs to someone else now. I doubt I'll ever get it back but I think Ive come to terms with that.. or at least i hope so.

Friends now a days are a tricky thing. Remember back in the day when you were 5 or 6 and in kindergarten and all you had to do was share your snack with the girl or boy sitting beside you and you were friends for life? Well I do!! I am still great friends with some of those people I use to share snacks with! And thank god for them.. I don't know where Id be with out them. But making good friends when your an adult has got to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've formed a few friendships this year and I honestly thought we'd be great friends till the end but boy was I wrong! Don't get me wrong.. they, for the most part, are great people. I mean yes everyone has their flaws but come on! If you have a problem with someone talk it out.. Don't bitch about it to everyone else and then let those other people tell me that you have a problem with me. And I know what your thinking.. If I think they have a problem with me I should approach them right?!? Well I've tried.. its kinda hard when they ignore you or blow you off. Or when you try to talk to them about something important and they just sit there and stare at you like your speaking a foreign language... I obviously came to you with a problem because I thought we were friends and I thought you could support me. But forget about it! Whats the point in trying to talk to anyone anymore about anything!! Everyone is just worried about whats going on in their lives. I am guilty of this too. Not trying to say I'm perfect.. I am FARRRRR from it. But I, for the most part, think that I am a good listener.. yes i zone out once and a while but who doesn't really?!

I guess what I am trying to say is I wish people would give me a chance and have a little faith in me...
I sure hope my second year is a lot better then my first!



Thats all for now folks,
Till next time
Much love!!
E

I've discovered a super power!!

Who would have guessed that I have an actual super power!! Aparently I am invisible!! I had no idea I was actually invisible but after these past few weeks that's what I realized. Know how I figured it out?? I use to have quite a few friends who called me all the time and I use to hang out with them all the time but ever since I moved and they no longer have a place to crash when we go out for a night of drinking it's like I don't exsist. I really feel used.. Like they were only my friends to use me. They only talk to me when I initiate the conversation. They no longer take the time to talk to me. I knew the world could be lonely but I didn't know it could be this lonely.
On te bright aid of all this I'm on really good terms with someone I thought I never wanted to see again! I'm hopig to meet up with them sometime this week. It will be the first time I've seen them in almost a year and it's long over due!

That's it for now I suppose.
Till next time!
E

I was watching this TV show the other day and one of the characters said something that was exactly how I'm feeling about a certain person in my life.
"There is a big problem, because you took the next step all by yourself and you played the whole thing out in your head and you decided to bail before even giving it a shot. So this really great thing that we have, don't even worry about losing it. Because its already gone."
I just wish I had the guts to look this person in the eye and say something along those lines to him. It would feel so great to get it off my chest and make my life so easier.
Till next time!
E

Snowy Days amd Shameful ways

This weekend was a great weekend. Sofie's birthday was Friday night so Sofie, Sophie and Isabell walked over to my house and we partied it up. The snow started Friday afternoon and it just kept coming down. We got about 2 feet of snow I would say. Maybe more. So right back to Sofie's 22nd bday! We decided to make our own pizzas... except we forgot the pizza dough so we had to make a drunken walk to the store in the snow... it was a lot of fun! After that we ate and drank the night away with pizza cake and The Captain (he is such a great guy! I think I should marry him....) Saturday the girls were still here and it was one of Sophie's host kids birthdays so she and I hiked through the snow to her house so that she could wish him a happy birthday and give him his present. Then we needed more food so we headed back to the grocery store. Over all it was a 5 hour hike in the snow and it was exhausting. That night the girls and I had a chill night. We watched some movies and vegged a bit.. The first movie we watched was "My Life in Ruins" which was a really great movie. It was hilarious and just the perfect movie for a girls night. The second movie we watched was "He's Just Not That Into You"... Now i've seen this movie before and I like but there are things about it that bother me. Like the girl who over analogizes everything... shes just annoying!
The next day was Super Bowl Sunday!!!! The driveway was hidden in snow and I really wanted some fresh air and so i decided to go outside and shovel the driveway. The girls helped me and it took about 2 hours for the 4 of us to find the entire driveway. The snow was so heavy and the next morning I was in a lot of physical pain from all the snow! So sunday night was the game... and what an amazing game it was!!! Saints vs. Colts... and of course the Saints won 31-17!!!! It was such an amazing game!!! Me and the girls got good and drunk that night but unfortunately the Captain wasn't as good to me as he has been in the past and so on top of my immense body pain from shoveling i was also in immense pain from a massive hangover.
Because of the snow the girls didn't have school Monday and I happened to have the day off! But they also had no school today... or tomorrow or Thursday... or until Febuary 18th for that matter. Can someone just kill me now please? The girls are driving me nuts. They keep talking back.. laughing in my face. I can't wait to get out of here! This place in slowly killing me. With my host mom getting married and we're moving in with her new husband... I am stuck here doing all the packing by myself and I am getting REALLY stressed out... I can't even sleep anymore. And when I do..its not a very great sleep....
Well If i get through this wedding and this next few days and I am still alive then I suppose you'll hear from me then....
Till next time!
E

Out and About

So,
Today has been a kinda a great day! It snowed last night and so school was canceled today. Which I think its kinda really really funny because if we had this kinda weather that we have today and school was canceled the superintendent of schools would be a laughing stalk! Its gorgeous out today! The sun is shining and its quite warm. It is a great day to go outside and play in the snow! :) While out there i shoveled the driveway, built a snow turtle (which is kinda awesome I might add) and played in the snow with my two girls! I also go attacked by them and got a lot of snow down my pants haha.

Yesterday I went shopping with Sofie and Sophie! We went to Marshals and both Sophie and Sofie found really cute pairs of shoes and I found nothing... well no that's a lie... I found an awesome water bottle that says "Who says this is water" haha it suits me so well!..$5 bucks too!

I've been playing on a volleyball team... and I love it! I absolutely love volleyball and I will never be bored of it! :)

Valentines day is coming up soon... and I am not looking forward to it.. I pretty much hate the holiday and thinks its a complete waste of time and money. Who says on that on Fab 14th you have to show your love for someone... shouldn't you show them your love everyday? What makes Feb 14th so special?

In 1.5 weeks my host mom is getting married. I still need to find a dress and thanks god I don't need to find a date! That is a big weight lifted off my shoulders. A lot of her family is going to be here at the house next weekend and its going to be one crazy weekend! I have started packing things up aroud the house... I was really sad when I packed up the margarita glasses... I'd rather drink actual margaritas out of them then wrap them in news paper. The week after the wedding David and Barbara will be in Hawaii and then when they get back we will finally be moved into Davids house... I have mixed feelings about this though. In David's house I'll have a gigantic bed and a fridge that will be regularly stocked with food! But living in Barbara's house I usually have the place to myself and its quite relaxing! I get to so basically what ever I want whenever I want.. and no one bothers me! :)

So far Febuary is going alright... except for the snow and the snow that is to come this coming weekend... its threatening to ruin our weekend party plans!!! :(m Sofie's birthday is this weekend and I am so excited!!! Wait till she sees what we have planned ;)
Till next time!
E

2010... yeah... its gonna be a bad one...

So... its 2010... big whoop! I don't know why people think everything changes just because the date does. Reality check folks... its just another day and another year on the calender. All thoes problems that popped up in 2009... yeah they are still gonna be there.

When I rang in the new year... I said thought to myself.. damn it sure is good to be home. Spending so much time with my friends and family. Well more my family then friends actually.. no one was really around when I was home for xmas. But I thought 2010 was off to a good start... even though I did almost blow my hand off with a firework :S. I should have seen that firework as a sign. This year is going to be nuts. In the 2 weeks that has been 2010, so many things have gone wrong. On my trek back to Maryland, what should have been a 12 hour trip quickly became a 22 hour trip when my flight in Bangor for JFK got delayed by an hour.. causing me to miss my flight at JFK to Baltimore by 5 minuets. Then I stood in line at JFK for about an hour and a half to get on the next flight to Baltimore.. which was set to leave at 8. I though well yes I did miss my flight but at least Im on the next one! Well that flight was delayed an hour, then a half hour then another half hour. Finally at 10:20 we boarded the plane. Then we sat in the plane... at the gate.. for an hour. We left the gate and sat on the runway for another 30-45 minuets before we finally took off. I got to BWI at 12:20... at this point all my friends we in bed fast asleep and I had to pay for a $55 cab ride back to Crofton.

Throughout the next week little things kept popping up that just made everything worse. And then this past Friday, while on my way to the gym, I nicked a guys car... didn't see him coming at all... scratched the paint on his car and there was more damage to mine. But I found out today that its going to cost over $1000 bucks to get that scratch fixed. $1000 BUCKS FOR A SCRATCH!!!! wtf?! And if that wasn't the worst thing... things only got worse when I found out that my grandmother had a stroke this past Saturday night and is now paralyzed on the right side of her body. She will be going to rehab and will hopefully get most if not all the motion back but I hate that I am so far away and I have no idea whats going on.

So that is my 2010 so far. I hope to god it gets better... but right now.. I feel like its going to get a whole lot worse.

Happy Freaking New Year Everyone!!
Till next time!
E