Home, Sweet Home!

I am home after being away for over 14 months! It feels really good to be here but at the same time not a whole lot really feels the same as it did when I left. I spent the day with a really good friend of mine yesterday and it was great seeing her again after 14 months! I cant decided if a lot has changed.. or nothing at all.

Now that I am home I am in desperate need of a job. I have to find one asap.. Otherwise Ill sit at home with nothing to do! Ive applied to a few places and I have an interview tomorrow so lets hope it goes well!!

I have started to fill out my application form for the Canadian Forces.. and boy is it a process. Its about 30 pages to fill out plus a medical exam and an interview! ohhh boy i hope i cant get everything together soon so I can send in my application as soon as possible!

not much else to tell yall

Till next time!
E

Oh boy... Oh boy oh boy oh boy... :/

Blogg blogg blogggggggggggggggggg
I seemed to develop a bit of a brain freeze, brain fart.... whatever you want to call it. I feel like I've got some many things going on... But absolutly nothing at the same time. My life feels lifeless! 

So what's going on you might ask... Well my host family in Pasadena asked for a rematch. And within a few days I found, what I hope to be, a wonderful family! 4 kids 13, 12, 11, and 6 (boy, girl, girl, boy). My new host mom has told me that the girls fight and the older girl can be quite a bitch. THAT should be intresting! The mom and I talked on the phone for an Interview. We talked for an hour and a half. The coversation never seemed to end but I didn't mind. I'm so stoked that we seem to get along so well! 

Tomorrow is my last full day with the family. I'm actually really excited to leave this house. The boys are driving me INSANE!! I'm literally going crazy. If they arnt yelling about not getting their way they are crying because one of them hit or threw or slapped or bit the other one... CRAZINESS!!

Another thing is, and I know I sound like a broken record bu m gonna say it anyway, is that no one seems to care that I'm leaving Maryland. Not even the guy I was dating on and off again... All he said was... Well I'll miss you... Well thanks! But good fucking ridence! I don't need a guy who says his misses me all the time but doesn't actually take the time or make the effort to see me... So fuck him!! Fucking fuck! And that's just the tip of the ice burgh. Non of my "friends" care that I'm leaving... Most people when they leave it's been an au pair tradition to have a bit of farewell dinner at applebees. Ive decided to say fuck it with that... No one will come anyway. Because most au pairs dontgive a fuck about anyone but themselves... 

On top of all this my best friend Amy, who is from England, is going back to Liverpool. The two of us have grown reallyclose and I really can't imagine being here without here... I love her... She is possible the best friend I've ever had and it sucks so god damn much that she's leaving. I do feel a little like shes abandoning me... I get why shes leaving i realy do.. Shes homesick and her host family is crazy... But still it really just wont be the same wih out her here. But on the bright side, I will see her at least one more time and that will be her wedding day!!!!!!!!!!! I cant believe she's getting married. AND she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids :D!!! It will be the first wedding I'll be in except that one when I was really little and I was a flower girl. But I barely remember that... So it doesn't count. 

Amy... I'll miss you like crazy girl!!

I suppose that's all for now folks.
Till next time!
E    

New Beggining or Unhappy Ending?

I have some sad news. Saturday morning my host dad told me that my surrent host family wants to rematch. So now I am freaking out a little. I have no idea where I'll be in the next few weeks. I want to stay in the Annapolis area. I love it around here.
BUTTTTT I think I might have found an awesome family! The are in Virgina and they sound great! haha
Wish me luck!!
Till next time!
E

Finally!

I am pretty confident I know what I want to do when I go back to Canada! I am going to join the Canadian Forces!!! And I am really excited about it. Today I did some research online and took a loot at the forces website. Its just what I was ment to do and I believe that with all my heart! I am so excited!!

There is a lot I have to do to prepare for when I go home. First I need to get into shape and thats where I need your help! Any advice would be amazing! Because losing weight for me is hard. I love food way to much. I need to work on my self control. Its especially hard when there is so much junk food in my house and no one else is focused on getting healthy! Obviously I know that eating right and excercise is key, but if anyone else has some advice... it would be greatly appreciated! The second thing i need to do when I get home is get laser eye surgery! I need to get my eyes corrected before I join up.. it just makes sense and I am sick and tired of glasses and contacts!!! Its so agravating and expensive to have both! Im really getting sick of sticking my fingers in my eyes to put my contacts in!! haha so they are going first thing! Gotta save up the mula for that. Its not going to be cheap!

On a side note, in my last post, I stated that I am focusing on me. I have stopped looking for someone to make me happy... and so far its going great. I am depending on myself to make ME happy. I am trying to put myself out there more and trying to put more trust in people. So far thats the hardest part. After being betrayed the way I was I don't trust anyone right now. I always think the worst of situations and take everything someone says with more then one grain of salt.

So yeah. As of right now... thats the plan!!
Like I said. Any advice or words of encouagment would be great!!

Till Next Time!
E

Am I Suppose to.....

...Put my life on hold because you don't know how to act?
I realized this yesterday. I am sick of the bullshit people throw my way and I am over it! I am over the drama and over the heartbreak! I am a strog, independent woman, but I can't read minds!! When you expect so much of me...like knowing your busy... well I won't know that unless you actually tell me that!! It felt so good to tell a certain person off yesterday. I swore a lot and man I feel great today! I've since decided to say "Fuck it!" screw you... its ME time! I'm going to focus on me for a while. But when I say that I don't mean it in a conceited way. If someone needed me for any reason I'd be there for them in a heart beat. But no more boys distracting me. No more "friends" standing in my way. I am going to "do me"!!
.....
Now lets take a few minuets to watch the video that inspired today's post. It best describes how I'm feeling at the moment! :P (lyrics follow)

Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,
but either way baby, I'm gone


Till Next Time
E






Am I supposed to put my life on hold
because you don't know how to act
and you don't know where your life is going
Am I supposed to be torn apart, broken hearted, in a corner crying?
Pardon me if I don't show it
I don't care if I never see you again
I'll be alright
Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,
but either way baby, I'm gone

chorus:
I'm so over it, I've been there and back
Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering
I got that new
I'm a single girl swag
Got me with my girls and we're singin' it...... Sing!
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey,
hey hey hey
goodbye

Cut my hair 'cuz it reminded me of you
I know you like the long 'do,
had to switch my attitude up
Thinkin' of changing up how I ride, No more
on the passenger side
too bad you miss out on the way that I drive it
I don't care if I never see you again
I'll be alright
Take this final piece of advice and get yourself together,
but either way baby, I'm gone

Chorus:
I'm so over it, I've been there and back
Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering
I got that new
I'm a single girl swag
Got me with my girls and we're singin' it...sing!
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey,
hey hey hey
goodbye

hey hey, hey hey hey
goodbye


Chorus:
I'm so over it, I've been there and back
Changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering
I got that new
I'm a single girl swag
Got me with my girls and we're singin' it.... sing!
na na na na hey, na na na na hey,
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye


na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
na na na na hey, na na na na hey
hey hey hey
goodbye
goodbye
goodbye

Ask most people what they want out of life

Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple: to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though, the wanting to be happy, that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try and will ourselves to the state of bliss, the more confused we get. To the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling, trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were. Until eventually it hits us.. It's been there all along. Not in out dreams or hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

Heard this and loved it.. just wanted to share it! :)
Till Next Time!
E

Got my middle finger up

I don't really give a fuck

So I heard this song from Rihanna's newest album (Rated R). The song is "Rockstar 101" and its amazing! I've relly been feeling down lately and this song just made me feel like myself again! I am so excited about it!! Read through the lyrics and have a listen to the song then tell me what ya think!

For me the lyrics are talking about how everyone should live.. "middle finger up, cause I don't give a fuck"
Its so true. I knew that but I was caring to much about what people were thinking and I never should have!!





Got up in the club
Posted in the back
Feeling so good
Looking so bad

Rocking this skirt
Rocking this club
Got my middle finger up
I don't really give a fuck

Rocking these diamonds
I'm rocking this chain
Make sure you get a picture
I'm rocking my fame

To be what you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar
Hey baby
I'm a rockstar

Hey baby its..
Big cities
And bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Six inch walker
Big shit talker
I never play the victim
Id rather be a stalker

So baby take me in
Ill disobey the law
Make sure you frisk me good
Check my panties and my bra

Wildn out
A crazy house
With my white jacket on
Wont you come
And sign me out

To be what you is
You gotta be what you are
The only thing I'm missing
Is a black guitar

Big city
Bright lights
Sleep all day
Up all night

Hey baby
I'm a rockstar



Till Next Time!
E